Conversely, a straight man who earns less than his wife can feel humiliated, jealous, or dejected (from both women and other men), all from society’s strong and ubiquitous messages of what it expects from men – it’s not even up for discussion or conscious awareness it just “is.” So when two gay men form a relationship, issues of each partner competing to be the breadwinner often arise. Straight men face a lot of social pressure, still, to earn more than their wives. There are many potential pressures to face and overcome. Gay men of color face a dual challenge in managing social reactions and pressures from being both gay and people of color, and also gender expectations. When money issues arise in gay male relationships, I believe it’s because all American men (and elsewhere) are still, even in our oh-so-modern times, expected to the “breadwinners.” White men, especially of middle class or higher socio-economic status, are socialized to “getting their way,” enjoying a social privilege (whether they want it or not) among all demographics.
It’s hard to find a gay male couple where issues of competition don’t come up, whether regarding physical appearance, social influence, or income. The sexism that women only earn a portion of what men earn, for the same work, extends to both gay men and straight men. Statistically, white men tend to be relatively high earners. Money – Gay male couples can have a lot of conflict around money.